Am I The Negative One?

Maybe we can all recognize a moment of silence
Maybe we can finally agree on the same point of view
A long time ago we believed and we were united
So the last thing on Earth I am ready to do is say goodbye

Been listening to alot of Slipknot lately, and Stone Sour and really digging into their lyrics and what they mean. I love Corey Taylor with more than I can say and his lyrics are just amazing to me. Especially Stone Sour’s. They’re a bit less harder than Slipknot and I think can speak to me more. Except for one song. I can’t wait to see Slipknot again in May this year. Probably going alone again as well… but it’s well worth it to go there and enjoy myself at something I love. And this time I get to bring my camera in and photograph. I’m hoping this is badass and more awesome than last time. We’ll see and go from there. It would be a dream come true. However, the opening band has become dicks since they became famous.. so I’m not sure what’s up with that. I hate how people can go from awesome to dick just because they’re famous. To me, it’s forgetting your friends and enjoying the spotlight too much to realize you’ve lost everything. No one’s going to care about your band after you’ve hit 30 or 35… give it up already. /rant.

This one goes back a long time and the lyrics are often relevant to a few things in my life already. This is going back years though. I’ve loved this song since it came out.. and it still hits home every time and I cry when I listen to it because reasons.


Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again…

So if you love me, let me go.
And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care.
I can’t destroy what isn’t there.
Deliver me into my fate –
If I’m alone I cannot hate
I don’t deserve to have you…
My smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn’t face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not care.
I think I made it very clear.
You couldn’t hate enough to love.
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren’t my friend.
Then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a saint…
My own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won’t listen to your shame
You ran away – you’re all the same
Angels lie to keep control…
My love was punished long ago

If you still care, don’t ever let me know…

Sometimes I think I need a break from life. Get away, take a vacation, go somewhere and do something alone and just relax for once. No distractions and nothing to do but lie on a beach and just stare out into the ocean. Stare up at the stars at night alone and just ponder what I’m even doing anymore. I need a reality check sometimes. I lose friends every day and I don’t know why. Am I that hard to get along with and love? Is there something wrong with me? I get angry at the silliest things, and alot of people can attest to this lately with me, and for that I’m sorry.

I’ve been feeling angry lately, and bored and sad and I think I need a new hobby to occupy myself with from time to time. Video games don;t hold my attention long, and there’s not many I REALLY like. I tried getting into Counter Strike… it was interesting for a little while, but I’m not big into it. I’m more into Portal 2 and things like that. Critter Crunch is a good one as well. I need something, but I don;t know what it is yet. I don’t know if it’s more friends or more people… but I need something different. I think a vacation is definitely in the works for me soon though. Maybe to Florida. Maybe to Cali. Or maybe even just to someplace local that’s away from here. You never know.. But I need people who aren’t going to mess with me, and be there for me. There are a few of you out there (you know who you are) and I’m grateful for that.

All I ask is; don’t waste my fucking time:

Somewhere on a toilet wall
I read the words
‘You form a line to formalize the former lies.’
And I finally saw the truth
Something so profound and now it’s sitting there
Surrounded by the garbage and the stains
Another victim of the refuse

Now I’ve been saying this for years
But you don’t comprehend it
I fight hell and I fight fear
Because I understand it
Androgyny and insults
Your choice, don’t wanna be difficult
You want to win the war?
Know what you’re fighting for




Throw Matches To See What You Can Ignite

I’ve been searching for an exit but I’m lost inside my head;
Where I spend every waking moment wishing this would end.
I can’t take another step, I cannot live inside my mind,
I can’t face another day, I am so fucking tired.
For I am lost right now as the ocean deep,
I am low my friend and how my heart does sink.

Been sitting here tonight staring at a blank page for a blog and I couldn’t think of what to write, if anything. I decided to set a new theme for my blog, which I think is pretty rad right now. I might invest in hitting up that customization pricing per year when I get my mini tax return. (I’m getting like nothing back actually, so we’ll see. It sucks, because I can’t even buy car things to make Hannah prettier…)

There’s a fat cat sprawled out on my bed right now, and he’s taking up literally half of it so I need to find a way to sleep around him tonight or move him. I know he’ll just come right up and sit in my face though if I as so much touch him. MooMoo has been lovey dovey recently again for some reason, and I don’t know why. It’s odd. It’s like she gets in her moods again and goes on a liking spree and then bam, happy kitty… for like 5 minutes. Then back to hating the world like always. Gee, the more I describe her, the more she sounds like me.. I wonder if she’s meant to be like that for a reason, lol. Never know. But either way, I love them to bits and wouldn’t trade them for the world. Go ahead, call me a crazy cat lady. I don’t care, because you know what, if I could afford to I’d have more and you all know it. They make me happy and you can judge all you want. And if I want, I’ll take a selfie with my cat. STFU.

I’ve just been wasting time tonight watching movies and trying to relax after a long ass day at work. And now it’s already almost 11PM. Where does the time go? I really need to sleep actually. Eesh. I don’t know why I allow myself to stay up… rather, I know if I get in bed, I won’t sleep anyway so might as well do something productive, no? Would rather do this then just stare at my phone waiting to see if someone will text me or something.

Have some adorable photos of my cats I took tonight. I don’t post enough of them I don’t think… I actually also haven’t brought out the camera in a long time either and I should do that. It’s been months. I just haven’t felt in the mood to do anything with pics recently. I’ve kind of not even picked it up since October… and that’s real bad of me I think. I need something to motivate me again into doing photos.

Cheers! Off to sleep.


This Isn’t What We Need

Hi friends, time for another ramble.

I haven’t written in a week since I’ve been busy with doctor appointments and working what seems like all the time. I really need a break from life to someplace warm and a beach. I think a trip to Florida may be needed soon if I can get the time off work, that is, because we don’t get anything there really and get paid for it.. I wish they’d change their policies there for sick days and allowing us some freebies. That would make SO many people happy, you know? And it would keep more people instead of always hiring and re-training new people. That’s just a hassle.

Anyway, so I had to get a new phone because mine took a shit the other day. I got the Droid Turbo and its actually pretty nifty. A little smaller than the Note obviously but the batter is amazing on it so far.
I’m still debating if I want to go home tomorrow night or not to moms for a show… I really could use a break/night out butttt I don’t know yet. I need more concerts in my life nowadays and well, I haven’t been to many recently since I moved to PA. I think I should go… But I have more important things I should do first like an oil change and other things. This sucks.

Anyway, have some photos from my Turbo. The camera is amazing for stills, but moving things suck to take pics of. They need an update asap for this camera. A you can see, I was on break or eating lunch at work when I took these.




Well, this next part is a song I’m listening to right now and I don’t know how I feel about it. So I’ll just leave this here.


What am I to say? I still remember everyday, and memories don’t fade away. And it all falls apart in the shadows of the past. It can seem to be so hard but it’s time the feelings pass. How could you be the better part of me…when we’re only half of what we used to be? Today, could you see, this isn’t what we need, and I’m leaving all the pieces how they fell. So goodbye, farewell.