Life

Here I Am

Here I am sitting in my car.
It’s nearly 1 in the morning.
I just came back from seeing a good good friend of mine who thankfully has not deserted me yet and the drive back was wonderful this late at night.
I’m excited to pick up and drive everywhere this summer when I get my car.
I can’t wait to get into my Stang hopefully this summer if not for my birthday.
I don’t care if it’s PA and it snows alot.
I’m stuck this close to work for awhile anyway, you only live once and when you die you have no debt to worry about anymore.
I need to do something for me.
This car will be mine.
It’s the only thing I’ve wanted since I was 13, and I plan on making this summer happen.
I don’t care that it won’t be a brand new one.
It will be a 2014 still and wonderful.
image

Sitting here listening to Timber by Ke$ha and Pitbull and I’ve nothing on my mind..
I just keep repeating in my head:
“IM A PEACOCK, YOU’VE GOT TO LET ME FLY!”
For some reason that line all makes sense to me now.
I’ve been living here 3 years now.
This past year has been a challenge for me to say the least and I’ve never felt this way.
New feelings, new heartbreak, new sadness, yet some new joy at the same time.
It’s been very weird to say the least.

There are things I would have been doing this summer that I am no longer doing yet still want to do. Hard, because they involve things I don’t have anymore, ha. But I’ll manage. I definitely have to do the Renn Faire still regardless because my friend and I have to. There’s no questioning that. And I plan on breaking even more plates than last time there that’s for sure. I can’t wait till we get our outfits for it too. They’re going to be so beast, you’ve no idea.
image

Still, it’s now 1 AM on the dot. Sitting in the car, music blasting. I don’t want to go inside yet. It’s so nice out and the music is great right now that I have on. “It’s like dance party USA teen bop it type of shit.” (name that movie!)

Hold me close and I’ll surrender to your heart. Before the flame goes out tonight, we’ll live until we die. Come out till we lose control to a raging fire. Time will give and time will take… all the memories made will wash away.. and even though we change I’m still here with you. If you listen close, you can hear all the ghosts that bring us down. Hold on to what makes you feel, dont let go, its what makes you real. Let the world leave us behind, let your heart be next to mine. ♡ Oh Phillip Phillips.
image

For some reason I can’t fall asleep anymore. I’m just not tired at all almost and New Orleans messed me up. I think I’m still in party mode and just want to be up all hours doing whatever I want and then crashing. I really need a longer vacation. Or to start living life more and doing something. But that all requires money and well, I’m trying to save… yeah not going so well really.
image

On a side note… oh Enrique Iglesias. Your music is so damn catchy and I feel like I’m in a club right now and that’s what I want to do anymore.

Anyway! I really miss sports. I’m going to try and wake up early and head to Kirby for a run/walk. I need to start doing something so I’m not so tired all the time. Or go to the gym. Or play a sport. I miss baseball and bowling. I should join a league and stick with it. I’ll start running and go from there. Since I have that 5k coming up in june… I need to prep so I don’t die too much while there. And I need to start eating right too. That’s another thing I’m doing wrong. I want to lose that chin I got for some unknown reason. Ugh. So many things!
image

Omg. Pharrell’s “Happy” just came on and I just want to dance like I’m in Hairspray with Zak Efron. Ha, slide slide, swish, snap fingers, twirl. I hope no one’s around right now outside because I’m totally going to do it.
And the funny thing is anymore is: I’m not happy. I’m not sad though. Im… numb. And well, numb is better than dumb and dead, right? #yaynumbness That reminds me; I need to watch Dispicable Me 2 now that this song is playing.

I really should go inside. It’s 1:30 in the morning now. I lose track of time so easily these days and I get by on little sleep. I sleep dreamless nights usually too.. it’s been really odd. I used to have such pleasant dreams and now I don’t even have anything. I don’t know if that’s bad or not.. to be honest it’s awkward and scary at the same time. Something has to give.
image

There’s a bunch of movies coming out that I want to see… Neighbors is already out.. Malificent is coming out.. Godzillllahh I need to see asap. Blended looks good too surprisingly and so does 100 Ways To Die In The West. I need people to go see them with. And I STILL have to see Spiderman! Damnit, so many movies that I need to see its unreal. 😦

Well, now that I have a tired cat laying on me for the night and I’m inside, I should probably sleep. It’s now 2 in the morning sadly. And I still can’t sleep well. Sigh. Oh well! I’ll leave you with this picture of words I enjoy a bit too much. ♡
image

|| Koral♡Dawn ||

Advertisements