This Time Tomorrow

So there my friend, you’re in the deep end.
Just hanging on to hope by a loose thread.
Well it’s never good, to try and play pretend.
But maybe what’s broken, can start to shine.
And you’ll find, this time tomorrow.
We’ll decide where it will all go, in this life.
Those younger years, never saw yourself standing here.
They disappeared, all the moments you held so dear.
Start keeping them close, waves come and go.

I started something in January called the 365 Days of Happiness. I’m disappointed in myself because I could not find one reason a day past February to smile except for maybe one or two in April. I’m not fond of this and I need to smile more and be more open to change and things around me. It’s dramatically affecting my life and sometimes, I don’t even want to talk to a single soul or leave my house but I have to most days for work. I don’t get people at all. Anytime I ask for help, I get it but only from family, and for that I’m grateful as anything and I will always put family first. But then my “friends” come into play, there’s nothing I can do about it. I normally don’t tend to ask people for help because they’ll always say “I wish I could” and then go around a buy something for themselves that they don’t need or want. If I had a dollar for every time someone’s said that to me, I wouldn’t need to ask for any help at all and would be rolling in the money.

“A year from now, we’ll all be gone. Nothing is as it has been, and I miss your face like hell. I guess it’s just as well, but I miss your face like hell. Been talking about the way things change, and my family lives in a different state. If you don’t know what to make of this, then we will not relate. Rivers and Roads… rivers till I reach you.”

Don’t ever think that for one second any of you mean nothing to me. You all mean the world to me, the ones that have stayed by my side, as I went through hell and back the past 2 years trying to dig myself out of money issues, relationship crap, and friendship issues. Those of you that are still around me today since day one that I moved to PA, I love you all dearly and wish for every second that I could do something to pay back friendship somehow. Please don’t ever leave me. You’re a friend for a reason and I don’t have many of them. Silence isn’t anything when you know someone will always be there for you. I need you all now more than ever. Hope is comfort, if not relief. Those of you who pushed me out of sight and out of mind when I left for PA (most of you people in NJ…) I was never really a friend since it’s been 4 years and I probably never will come back, so it’s best to say goodbye and forget all about most of you from High School and other outside activities. Those who stayed with me from NJ to PA are few and far between these days.

So to base this off my last post, it’s time i officially cut all those people out who deserted me when I moved here to PA out of my life because you did nothing for me. I don’t even tell most people I come to NJ because no one wants to hang out or is too busy. I didn’t move halfway around the country, I moved 2.5 hours away if that and I know most of you drive like assholes and can go all over for other things. Your babies are older and road trips are fun. Not my problem, I’m better without you all anyway. This is my goodbye to all of you. 

The odds of being alone. 





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